Last post we explored the question of why we want relationships in our lives, now the next question is about timing: are you ready?
This whole journey is really about you – REALLY!
It’s not about checking off the next thing on a long-outdated societal checklist (not that it was ever a good one to begin with!) The timing is not about the fact that you have a break between school and career, you’ve sowed some oats, and therefore it’s a logical time to choose a lifemate: it’s about where you are in your personal philosophy, where you are relative to your personal goals and dreams. Will a partner complement what you are trying to experience currently, and, are you in a good “receiving” place in your life – balanced healthily with what you are ready and able to give??
I found some great advice on criteria to consider regarding your wants and needs, and on choosing partners: still trying to decide which to feature, and I’ll post one of them this week. In the meantime, the following is an article I read recently (I will accredit it when I figure out where I found it!) that is good basic warm-up prior to diving into the relationship pool!
Are You Ready for a Relationship?
We all want to find that special someone, it’s inherent to our nature. Sometimes though, we put up roadblocks, not even realizing that we’re our own worst enemy. One good way to find out if you’re ready for a relationship, is to look at your relationship patterns.
1. What type of person do you choose to be in a relationship with?
You’d think everyone’s answer would be, “Someone who is good for me and makes me feel good about myself”. That’s not always the case though is it? Often, on a subconscious level, we choose people who aren’t good for us, people who make our bad habits and patterns easier to achieve. For instance, you may have been mentally abused by a parent in the past, and through still seeking their approval, date someone who is similar to that parent in the hopes of rectifying the past.
2. How much baggage are you really carrying around?
Is it a carry-on bag, or is it one of those giant suitcases you can fit a great dane into? We often don’t resolve issues from our past relationships and jump into the next one, thinking it’s going to be better because you’re with a different person. Wrong! Past relationships need to be left in the past – issues surrounding trust, power dynamics and those pesky bad habits need to be RESOLVED before being transferred into a new relationship. It’s very important to spend time by and on yourself in between relationships; recharge your batteries, get yourself strong and learn to be happy on your own before you ask someone into your life.
3. How do you feel about yourself – how do you see yourself?
Do you ever say, if only I found that person to make me whole everything would be ok? Guess what, there is no such person. We need to learn to be whole from within. A great relationship is not about having what the other person is missing (although we can help each other see what that is), it’s about two strong and functioning individuals coming together to enrich each others’ lives. You will never find what you think you’re missing in another person, and it’s unrealistic (not to mention unfair), to expect that of another human being. If you have difficulty liking yourself, you are not in a healthy place to nurture a relationship, and you will need to work on getting your confidence up. In a nutshell, you can do this by figuring out what you want in life for yourself and being the creator of your own destiny. Turn to mentors, therapists and books to streamline your exploration.
Break out of old patterns and bad habits, do some soul searching and learn to love yourself. It’s the only way you will be able to attract and keep someone who is good for you.
“A great partnership is not about finding the right person.
It’s about becoming the right person.” -Anon.