YIKES!! What do you do if you’re in a relationship and you really can’t decide if you should leave it or not?!? It’s gut wrenching: is it a case of intuition – simply recognizing that you want and need more from a partner… or is it a badass case of “the grass is always greener” syndrome? Truth is, I think you really do know.
There are times to grow within a relationship and times to cut loose: you need to dedicate time to focus on this – and of course, mentors are a perfect and safe sounding board to help keep bad behaviour patterns in check during this vulnerable time. We can enter relationships from a place of health, or with immature ideals, but either way, change occurs – and we have the skills and the desire to go with it or we don’t. Can you see potential within your relationship for more or different communication; do you have a joint vision; do you know your partner’s needs; do you REALLY know your own needs – and your fears? In my experience, the “grass is greener” thing is most often a sign that you have more self-discovery to do: face it, your needs are either being met or they’re not. What are your dealbreakers?? (Refer back to the postings on wanting a primary partnership, are we ready, and choosing a partner.)
This is not a one-size-fits-all subject, although I caution you NOT to think your relationship is all that “unique” – that’s where you can get messed up and waste waaayyyy too much time, as in a lot of human nature issues. There really is a universality in human relationships and the more you can relate to and trust this, the more simply your path is revealed. You don’t need to figure out males/females, or your partner – just you. Then speak your truth.
Rather than doing several weeks of blogs on this subject, here are five links to articles with slightly differing perspectives on evaluating relationships to get you thinking. Also following: two of my favorite videos re: common couples issues raised in my mentoring sessions.
And just for a little variety and provocation, I’ve also included a “reader” question on The Daily Love blog recently, asking “should I stay in my marriage” and peer-answered by some very wise people, including me! Ask yourself, what would you tell the reader? (Better yet – write the reader: it just may be a letter to yourself!)
Note: the following information: it is based predominantly on situations not involving young children. It is all very transferrable information in any scenario, however, there will be additional considerations when children are involved.
http://wp.me/P3mvZM-B0 11 signs You Need To Leave Your Relationship; this is the most all-encompassing – read this one if you only read one!
http://wp.me/P3mvZM-AW 20 Signs Your Relationship is Going Nowhere Fast (Sorry); more relevant to relationships rather than marriage
http://wp.me/P3mvZM-AY Love Is Not Enough for a Healthy Marriage; Emotional & Life Skills Necessary for a Healthy Marriage
http://wp.me/P3mvZM-B5 When Is It Time To Leave The Relationship; from more clinical perspective “DiscoveryHealth.com”
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/When-Its-Time-to-Leave-a-Relationship_1; scenarios from 5 couples faced with making the decision to stay in their relationship or not
Next: Question from TDL Reader: Should I Leave? (page 2)
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