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Inspiration Null

 appear periodically in your life, prompted by what’s NOT working for you: where are you stifling- or even rejecting, YOU. How quickly and how clearly you recognize the tip-offs is a direct reflection of how authentically you’re living. Consciousness is key. Without it, you could find yourself RIPPING on the barista who dared give you a FULL-sweet mochaccino – and the truly visceral response (from a sense of powerlessness masquerading as anger) can absolutely strike you as intensely as a death, surprising yourself even:
“OMG is this ME?… what is this really about… is this who I have to be to get what I want???” 
Or, in another seemingly innocuous scenario… you discreetly pocket the fiver you just found in the food-court… and guilt, or pangs of I’ll-never-have-enough scarcity demons run cold in your blood:
“Is this the way I want to feel… is this what I believe… is this how I want to live my life???” 

Ultimately, your reaction to any given situation will be proportionate to your CORE VALUES about yourself and life, and most importantly: how closely you are living those truths, i.e. authenticity. Don’t you often marvel at – but ponder – those parents who lose a child and seem quite at peace knowing said child lived out their destiny?  The peace- the security, comes from living authentically: it doesn’t matter what the belief is, but how close you hold it and LIVE it. You would maybe prefer your mochaccino less sweet, but you know you’re not in fact powerless in the situation- one where frustration, compassion and patience would be a more fitting reaction than anger. Disproportionate feelings reflect powerlessness: a red-flag that you’re not living your truth, and a classic and CRITICAL pivot-point!  How efficiently you take action to re-direct at these pivot-points is trickier, but of lesser concern to me: because by then you are in fact conscious… so now it’s simply about choice – with predictable consequence. The closer you live to your YOU-ness, the less intense the pivot-points, and the more effortless and imperceptible the natural course-corrections.

And the bottom line, truly, is it’s simply about navigating change. Change is the normal flow of things – and one should not graduate from kindergarten until that is COMPLETELY understood.  I believe change intuitively leads to a richer life… but it ain’t always so easy.

For me, tiredness has always been a clear sign of reluctant change. Right now, Mom’s passing might give me a tiny ‘hallpass’: a legitimate reason for my energy to be in flux as I shift and seek new inflow. But I know better. Even when the catalyst behind my reluctance remains illusive to my awareness (i.e. subconscious), I know the symptoms well enough to either start the quest… or keep paying the price. Anyone else relate to being chronically tired? Or your symptoms might be anger, depression, distraction, isolation, clutter, hating Mondays, IBS or other physical ailments, as implied previously.

My fatigue, my ‘reluctant change’ more often than not stems from a faulty core belief and the pattern of relying too heavily on myself for support. Dysfunctional independence.Psychologist/Happiness Expert Robert Holden’s term: dysfunctional independence; a behaviour which I identified within myself many years back (with help!), and have replaced and fairly diligently committed to a healthier option (tribesmen), … but which neuroplasticity research shows, is fallible and subject to a little slippage, sigh.  Fundamentally, I both believe in and want the support of ‘community’, and therefore, not having a balanced tribe in my early-adult life meant I was essentially living at odds with one of my core values; my body and brain registered: unsafe. Ex-haust-ing!!!

Basic cognitive-behaviour modification (CBT) was Part 1 of addressing my personal energy crisis. CBT is a super-common and natural evolution for adults as they navigate the childhood conditioning that works or doesn’t in their current lives; and while it can self-evolve, change happens way faster guided by a therapist or mentor! Part 2 of the equation for me – which my instincts kicked fully in on, is spending less time- WAY LESS TIME, with folks that can’t simply listen to me without judgment and support me to get more of what I want and need for myself (reciprocity implied) even if their values are different.

As I’ve felt my low energy this past year, I’m so relieved to know that my consciousness – not my survival instincts but my inner ME, identified clearly what it wanted (not just needed) to stay safe and energy-efficient: awake folks. grievance-border4I’ve surrounded myself almost exclusively with folks that desire more than a sleepwalk through life, who have actually chosen a ‘current working model’ (because life is fluid!) of success for their own, unique souls, and have at least set sail to living it: so… NO NEED to judge others’ choices because they’re so in love with their own!! Those folks are simply invigorating! No competition = no drama! They crave only your enthusiasm for their beingness, and from that, are filled up enough to contribute to yours. And to clarify, it’s not about ‘adventure’ – they may or may not have high-octane bucket lists: it’s about the gratification of an intentional journey.

And sincerely, no judgment here for those who I sense or observe have a rotating ‘mask’ collection: I value them in life too, as a canvas of enlightenment and a ‘Ground Zero’ for defining and challenging what I want and need. It’s all about timing: masks come with drama and when my energy is low, I have no space for theatrics. Living inauthentically breeds soul-sucking, energy-sapping fear- and there is so much fear out there it’s scary. And, of course, most folks can’t see when they are projecting their own fear: but make no doubt about it, they CAN feel it.
And so can I.
But not if I avoid them!
Again, it’s about timing 🙂

Peace is calm in your own heart.[And quick addendum, in case anyone is sensing a conflict of interest or concern for my well-being in this vulnerable line of work: my clients are INVIGORATING! They have set sail simply by reaching out to me- an ad-hoc tribesman, and tightening the noose on their own dysfunctional independence! I can listen to clients and get TOTALLY filled up as their own little lights of awareness come on!
But some other folks in my life… man, those lights are single-handedly causing global warming and they still can’t see them: watching them spin, THAT is draining! When my energy’s high, I have presence galore to adventure into the spin cycle; but when my energy is low, it’s WISELY invested — elsewhere!]

control-craveSo full circle… this past year of my personal evolution has in fact, tremendously inspired me- further awakened me, to a more abundant existence:
the unequivocal SIMPLIFICATION of life as I further acquiesce to the reality that the mainstay of my life-fuel – unconditional love – is sustainably within rather than inefficiently without, FREES me to be more fully present to the infinite wonders… differences… mysteries… beauty… and boundless energies swirling intriguingly around. I hardly even need to dodge the bullshit anymore because I float right past it: stopping clear on over at the sweet-smelling roses!
Inspiration, inspiration, inspiration!!!

My recent energy lull once again cues me, that I need to routinely pause… acknowledge my hard-travelled path and my current state of being… breathe… take pride and faith in how much joy I bring to my own heart, thus others. Most importantly, I must re-commit to continually replenish my tribe and to invite them to share in the journey: this is the Rx to my energy-taps staying healthy and my inspiration to flow. And, hopefully, the manifestations of my inspiration (like my next blog post maybe?) can go from null to full.

Coming along for the ride, tribe?






You are responsible for you.* I wrote this prior to the 2016 u.s. Election results… (in September, actually… I KNOW, I told you I was struggling!)
… and, understandably, clients, friends and I too have had visceral reactions to the outcome – each in our own way and each for our own reasons (reminder: I’m Canadian!). Rather than edit, I’ll reflect more on this in a future post. Maybe. But needless to say, this is a clear PIVOT-POINT if the day after the election you didn’t simply wake up, say “huh, that was a cool ride last night: what’s for breakfast”, and get on with YOUR purpose. For me, this election continues to be hugely fascinating both behaviourally and socially, and as much as I can see that my own personal reaction needs some inner-work, I am also SO pleased how quickly I identified my own projections.; my self-awareness (consiousness) fostered a clarity that was… well… so clear,  that I know exactly what to examine and strive to modify: a change fundamental to my be-ing, not this election. And a better me makes a better contribution to ‘we’.

If I can give you any pointers at all if you are trying to make sense of your own post-election negative emotions: it has little, if anything, to do with the candidates, the parties, the political issues, the social issues, your lack of money/work/health insurance, bigotry, and certainly not f-ing emails!! What’s left, you ask? Who’s doing the asking.
No really, who?



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