safe, insightful talk alternative to family, friends, therapy, coaching

Inspiration Null

adult1

I simply have not had any inspiration to blog.

Hmm.  Just reading that sentence back: I know that’s not even slightly true. I think perhaps I’ve had way too much inspiration… and maybe simply not the energy to use it. Ever feel that way?

I felt that way A LOT when I was “awakening”- my term (and others’) for disengaging the auto-pilot switch powering perceptions of what life was suppose to be. Until my 30’s, school, jobs, money, relationships were programmed as “what life is”, not as I see them now: optional tools for me to explore the expansive and textured facets and depths of life – a wholly more fulfilling existence!! As I awoke to a consciousness that how I was living my life did not match my instinctual feelings both about the intent of life and the gifts I was here to offer, well… it was simultaneously excruciating and intriguing; confusing… and CRYSTAL clear.

My “revival” was infectiously stimulating; I found books, I found teachers, I found my intuition: inspiration, inspiration, inspiration! And then I found: overwhelming exhaustion. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. Physically. Tons of inspiration… and no energy to use it.

be-you-role6It’s a lifelong process, growing your YOU-ness. A zillion things contribute to each of our journeys… no right, no wrong: just real life requiring a series of “course-corrections” (as life-coach Nancy Levin so validatingly puts it). Gratefully, as I began to connect with my “self” during those highly transformative third-life years, I naturally gravitated towards people, perspectives and activities that literally fueled my spirit. And though it took some blind faith as I navigated a whole lot of new folks, the more time I spent in “like-mindedness”, the more the scales of endurance and joie-de-vivre balanced. I found the key to perpetual energy: my ME-ness.

So today, as I take a hard look at my I’d-rather-have-dental-surgery feelings re: “inspiration” and the many failed attempts at writing this blog, I finally hear the proverbial bell clang way, WAY loud, and the bell tolls for thee… er, me… oh whatever:

Could I be further awakening??

Ahhh…(ding ding ding) me thinks so!!!For Whom The Bell Tolls

Tired: check  
 Profound yet equal frustration with life and intrigue for life: check 
Feelings of confusion… but a sense of absolute clarity: check and check.

Yup. More awakening.

As mentioned in past posts, it’s now well over a year since my Mom passed. I had no idea how that experience would play out in my life.  You can read more here, but in brief: emotionally and spiritually, the passing of one of the people I love most dearly in this life was… light– if not actually: fulfilling! WHEW, eh?!  As time goes on, it’s been more clear that instead of the classic “pain” of loss (a pain which I absolutely have experienced in the past and so have good reference for), with Mom’s passing, I felt more of an energy drain. Listless… flat: limited highs and lows… and NO time at all for drama and bullshit.

Which… actually makes perfect sense, when you think about it: Mom’s love, hugs and love-yourself-core-3chats were a consistent, reliable fuel for my spirit since inception- and unconditional love fills you up.  Now, in the transition period since her loss, the needle drops below full: just enough to choke my energy lines and threaten a stall. Re-sourcing said fuel, after decades of simply satiating in the ever-present Mom-flow, requires a new and deeper awakening. Core deep. And though “deep” is a word often conjuring weighty feelings of seriousness or complication, here: it feels far-and-away more simple… and more peaceful. Because now, what I know from my life journey so far is that, as my AUXILIARY (and much valued) love-fuel lines fluctuate, my INHERENT ones are primed to do the job they could… should… and actually were doing all along – had I stilled more often and truly took awareness and ownership of my own power:
Drive life from the depth of my soul- beyond the clutter of reactionary, inauthentic “expectation”.
Own it.
Show it.
Live it.
And to no surprise, this totally fits my life’s overall experiential pattern:
the more depth i.e. ME-ness I concede, the simpler life is.

Ahhhh…. and the SIMPLICITY of life is INSPIRING beyond words! I suppose to really make that point, I should stop writing here. 

 

choice-consequenceBut I need to connect a few dots. There are life experiences whose only job is to get us to stop and check in with our values, priorities and actions. What are you here for… what do you want – how do you want to do it?? Death is a pretty overt pivotal experience for folks, but really, the impetus could present much more covertly: yelling at baristas, clutter, Candy-Crush marathons, keeping money you just found in the mall, resenting friends’ holiday pics or new homes, dreading Monday mornings – not to mention health flags like chronic backache, IBS… some think even cancers. […Or pain, anger, disillusionment in humanity from an election??*]

You are responsible for you.
READ ON:
 Could being pissed at a botched Starbucks order really be a CRITICAL life “pivot-point?
 And what’s TRULY the culprit for my lethargic ” lack of inspiration”…

Page: 1 2

Soul Searching

soul move cropI use the word “soul” a lot when I’m working with clients. It dawned on me, that while I have a very clear understanding in my mind of what I’m referring to and why I’m choosing this particular word, I’ve never stopped to give myself an actual working definition. That I could actually write down. Or quote to a client: if they actually paused to ask me “just what do you mean, when you say soul?”.

My bad.

Easy fix: jot down my definition so I have crystal clear vocabulary at the ready.
Okay. No probs: GO!

Uhhh….

mmmmm…??

Okay, not so easy.

As I search for my “soul”, my first stumbling block is that I believe I have two distinctly different uses for the word: one I use with clients and one I use personally. Hypocritical?? Well, let’s see as this post progresses… I think you’ll understand that, given I work with a very diverse clientelle, I want to refrain from any upfront connection of the word soul to anything sounding remotely affiliated with “organized religion”. Simply put, it’s a respectful way to start out and make YOU feel safe as we get to know each other.  Next, I’m cautious not to use the word soul in any soulsearching 101way close to sounding “woo-woo”. While I vehemently oppose the mostly derogatory, arrogant, fear-mongering (but let’s get real: fear-FULL!) use of the term woo-woo, on what are for the most part, unexplored theories fully worthy of exploration, I do understand that soul-speak has been thrown around with some very alternative beliefs. I could make my job very difficult (and ineffective, really) if I don’t tippy-toe a little with my vocabulary: it’s my job to listen to you, my client, to hear your frame of reference for any terminology or phrasing that comes up; and then gear my words to how you will hear them best, regardless if your definition is miles from mine. If I’m unclear about your use of a word or concept, I ask for clarity – which invariably proves quite revealing, as clients pause to question if they actually know (and/or believe!) their own definitions! (“Clarity” is self-help magic: shhhh!) Clarification for the word soul, though, has never come up, funnily enough. I’ll take that to mean I’m doing my job well!! Little wins!

Now as a little aside: I do actually use the word woo-woo quite frequently – as do many doing this kind of work. The word to me (us) connotes “forward thinking”, and it’s been reclaimed in the self-development, psychology and wellness industries, among others, as light-hearted (perhaps a little “told-ya-so”) sarcasm: ribbing the skepticism of “crazy” ideas which are often dismissed out of ignorance and fear; and that have ultimately produced many positive game-changing and world-impacting results. I love world-renowned neuroscience-quantum physics geek, Dr. Joe Dispenza‘s viewpoint on this: “Science is the language to explain possibility”. Brilliant!!! Just when did we begin discriminating where this concept can be applied – or more pertinently: WHY??  All “credible” scientific developments started as blind woo-woo exploration; and guess what – some of that “credible” research has now been proven – wait for it: WRONG!! “Proof” of something is actually current working theory, not fact. With the rapid increase in tools available to measure and challenge past and present woo-woo theories more consistently (e.g. fMRI’s, 3D ultra-sound, hubble telescope)*, woo-woo and science are, rightfully, becoming one very quickly. Can’t wait to see what the future holds! Some of my fave woo-wooisms and woo-wooites:
Nietzsche dance2-Copernicus, earth/sun rotation
-John Dalton, atomic theory, pffft
-Marconi, radio waves… leading to cell phones, Apple, you’re welcome… and while we’re here, computers were pure fantasy when I was a kid (but adorable in tennies!)
-a deranged William Harvey said blood circulates… say WAHHH!
-that insane Josiah Nott claimed bugs – BUGS! can carry disease to humans!!
-PMS is, hello, clearly mental “hysteria”!
-Dr. Damien Finnissplacebo research leading to more discriminatory use of pharma… because hey, guess what, maybe the human body came pre-loaded with self-healing mechanisms that we just haven’t given it credit for…yet!
-and please, burn ’em at the stake for even imagining test-tube babies or a man on the moon!!!
A lot of woo-woo has made YOUR life pretty fabulous – just what if those far-out thinkers succumbed to narrow-minded fear?! I’m holding the faith that people are finally coming around to blood circulation.

“Perhaps understanding how and why are the booby prize.”
                                       -Rachel Naomi Remen (full quote/story)

Back to the soul search: maybe it would help me formulate my definition if I gathered some vocabulary from a few others. Good ‘ol Oprah to the aid….

READ ON: Oprah’s friends offer some perspectives on the term “soul”: will they meet my needs? Yours??

Page: 1 2

Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change

“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”

One of my all-time fave philosophies. Change. It’s powerful beyond measure, and also crippling as hell. Sigh. There’s been another death in my life.

I shared in a recent post that my Mom changed residences from her comfy loving home here on earth to somewhere, hopefully, even more wonderful. For you straight-shooters: she died. I wrote of how for me, Mom’s passing was a positive, enlightening experience and I have felt very little of the grief that I had been forewarned of and feared most of my life – and I LOVED my Mom! I valued my relationship with her greatly; she was a beautiful spirit that brought only good things to my life – the most obvious being my heart, lungs and brain! Read more about my ‘positive’ experience here, but to reinforce the sentiments of that post: today, fifteen weeks later and the day after her birthday, I’m still just revering Mom’s death with a smile! My world has felt a bit off its axis for sure, and her absence has me a wee bit out of sorts: but contrary to my fears, her loss has brought little pain. And let me say again clearly: I loved that woman dearly.

Best teachers help you find your own pathSo why then, has the death of someone I have never even met left me heartbroken?!? Psychologist, philosopher, author, speaker, “father of motivation” and master of the above “Change” quote, Dr. Wayne Dyer, passed unexpectedly on August 30th, 2015. Wayne’s work influenced every field related to mental and physical health, motivation, personal development, professional development, spirituality, education. Any of those things relevant to your life? Then so was Wayne.

I wrote a post on Wayne a while back so I won’t regurgitate his bio and deets, rather, I’m just so curious as to why I, alongside millions of others, felt such shock, sadness and utter loss upon hearing of Wayne’s passing. Clearly, he was a teacher for me. I’ve often been asked: “what teacher impacted you the most growing up”; questioners expectantly awaiting a gushy, grateful idolizing of one of my public-school teachers. I could indeed provide a high-school teacher’s name: Mr. Toews. Pronounced “Taves”. My Grade 9 Social Studies teacher. Why? Because he had a mini-guillotine on his desk and would behead a pencil if I walked in late for class. Still echoing in my soul, Mr. Toew’s sinister voice: “Loughlinnn!!!” CHOP! This anchored to my young psyche forevermore, that being late wasn’t necessarily a bad thing: the flying pencil-head was pretty cool. Otherwise, not a damn thing resonated under Mr. Toew’s tutelage; and it has really bothered me not to be able to name a single school teacher who even slightly inspired me. I’m sure I came out of public school with a decent memorization Off with your head!of some useful (and a lot more totally useless) information and some handy skills, however, no galvanizing direction, having never been approached by anyone in the education system – EVER, offering me personal context, incentive, or even a bolstering of curiosity as to how this ‘education’ could be harnessed “to be anything I wanted to be“. Ditto for college: strong contributing factors as to why it took me so long to identify my calling, me thinks. Wayne Dyer impacted my life greater than any “formal” teacher I’ve ever had: encouraging me to shift my definition and means of education; to shamelessly pursue my tribe, fulfillment, joy; and, most importantly, inspiring a desire to inspire others. And I’ve never met the man.

You got some 'splainin!

CONT’D: So why tears for a stranger, when I barely shed them for Mom? And…see how Wayne made me a believer in the ‘afterlife’!
PLUS: Are You A Self-Help Whore?? (page 2)

Page: 1 2

Too sensitive?

Are you feeling just a wee bit of empathy for that sad, lonely little pin? If so, chances are you’re HSP… and/or a marketer’s dream!!! Come on folks: it’s a PIN!  But if you’re like me: I had an immediate physical ‘sensory’ reaction.

[……. spawning an emotional backstory involving other pin-people that are greatly affecting Pokey’s life… and not for the better: he definitely needs a mentor!!]

And I’ll call my shrink: HE??!
Well, I can’t help it – and neither can you if this pic triggers your emotions in any way.

So many of you resonated with the posts on HSPs (highly sensitive person) and how it is biologically driven moreso than conditioning. Without a mainstream understanding of this, many of you – us – have felt “different”: flawed, lacking; confused by our heightened sensories; painfully suppressing emotions; labelled introverted, shy, weak, wimpy or the incredibly condescending: OH, YOU’RE JUST TOO SENSITIVE!!! You just might be über sensitive, but that’s your calling-card: part of your identity to develop and use to your greatest life.

What’s really interesting, both from blog comments and conversations I have in general, is the number of folks that need their self-image and life to fit into a perfectly defined BOX with the duly assigned bow. Case in point, this comment in an email “Kelly2.0” wrote me:

“I thought I was right-brain, based on the criteria,  
but I’m definitely a list-maker and a planner– so I guess I’m not.”

And my client, let’s call him “Jack”, a very social, life-of-the-party type of guy, was puzzled – almost offended, when I suggested he may want to read a bit about ‘introvert’ tendencies, snickering disdainfully…

Me. Introvert. I don’t think so”.

Rather, Jack was convinced he had depression: because he regularly locked himself in his room for dark, quiet solace- often for days. Both of these folks had clearly misinformed ideas, and were looking at “definitions” far too linearly.

I'm with stupidI want to make it perfectly clear: all of these human “labels” such as introvert, extrovert, HSP, left-brain, right-brain ARE ALL JUST GUIDANCE – clues if you will, to help us understand ourselves a little better; to know that most of our tendencies are normal, and that there are other folks out there (like: MILLIONS!) with idiosyncrasies just as “crazy” as yours and mine! Naming characteristics and behaviours and “grouping” them simply makes it easier to communicate; and greatly benefits professionals to make some relative sense as they’re doing their jobs.  Just like rules: these “categorizations” too, are meant to be broken.

HUMAN BEINGS are on a gray-scale pretty much in every single thing about us: you might have more of something, less of something else; fit clearly into one group description, or fall flatly in the middle of two. I might be a “woman”, but I do not have the same DNA as any other woman on the planet Unique blends(if my parents can be trusted!). You haven’t the foggiest if I was born with a uterus; and my nether parts may biologically include a penis: am I still a woman? My assertiveness is chronically attributed to being a ‘fiery redhead’: there must be something pretty potent in Feria #74 – I’m a brunette! I have categorically green eyes, but their custom tones reflect colours from hazel to blue, depending on my shirt. (Sigh, my bio-family has called me blue-eyed my whole life!). I’m right-handed: but waterski and snowboard “goofy”*. I have 7,499,488,203 freckles. It’s summer: that could change.  My chromosomes put me in the general category of “female”, but as any other “female”: my own customized version. “Sensory” and sensitivity falls equally in the ingredients list of “being human”: how it functions and manifests for each of us will be on a gray-scale too.

As with everything in life, the golden ticket (as stated in the last HSP blog) is simply: AWARENESS. The more you know yourself, identify and respect your different shades, the better you can choose and navigate your path. Knowing you’ll never exceed 5’1″ will most likely save time when considering an NBA career (…and heartache… and your knees).  Knowing you feel pain and empathy for a pin, will most likely save time when considering a nursing** career (…and anxiety… and pharmaceuticals).  Having an understanding of what might be biological, what might be learned, and how to manage and monopolize on both gives tremendous personal power.

50+ Shades of You

READ ON: Kelly2.0 and “Jack’s” – AND MY
misunderstandings about “sensitivities”

 

Speaking of monopolizing on sensitivity…
Check out Ariana Page Russell and her “Skin Art”:
Use your sensitivities!!“My skin is very sensitive and I blush easily. I have dermatographia, a condition in which one’s immune system releases excessive amounts of histamine, causing capillaries to dilate and welts to appear (lasting about thirty minutes) when the hypersensitive skin’s surface is lightly scratched. This allows me to painlessly draw on my skin with just enough time to photograph the results. Even though I can direct this ephemeral response by drawing on it, the reaction is involuntary, much like the uncontrollable nature of a blush.”
Sensitivity at its most literal… but uniquely Ariana’s to use!

Page: 1 2

First Confession

Fly Mom!

Forgive me followers for I have sinned:
it’s been 122 days since my last blog.

And whew, what a 122 days
Six months, really. This is definitely in the “Top 5” consciousness periods in my life – and I’m including my birth and reserving a spot for my death in there!

My Mom died.

Thank you, I can feel your warm energy.

It was not an unanticipated passing, but not a given at this time either. She had a stroke three years ago; and between adjusting to physical limitations, and struggling to re-engage the social stimuli – which was equally her life-blood, she faded a little more day by day… by day….. by.

Mom's Wedding Portrait 1958After the initial stroke, Mom’s personality and thus my relationship with her changed. She and I had a very intimate meeting of the minds and shared a life-philosophy that was not comfortably entertained in our household: it was a lovely place to deepen our relationship. The cool conversations we would share for hours (typically me lying on her bed, she in her favorite chair after having watched our daily regimen
of The Young and the Restless [another confession!] in our cozy bedroom cave), well… they simply changed. It became more and more challenging to explore and share the vulnerabilities of our take on the world as her attention, body and mind recessed. It was then that I began grieving the loss of “My Mom”.

“how lucky i am to have known someone
who was so hard to say goodbye to”
                                                          – adapted from Winnie-the-Pooh

Coincidentally- or not- as a permanent student of life, at the time of Mom’s stroke I was in a phase of actively exploring change“: neurologically, behaviourally, emotionally and philosophically. [Managing change is  the most prevalent challenge with my clientele- and that of most coaches’ and therapists’.] Me & Mallory
I was intrigued with and paid particular attention to experiences and behaviours around loss, death, and grief. It’s never sat right with me how the majority of North Americans (and my British heritage) perceive and thus manage death: as a death sentence. The default mood upon hearing of a death is morose, dark, sad, uncomfortable, and clinical.  It mongers fear: we almost instinctively jump to the negative view of our own mortality. But death is SO a fundamental part of life: it is an equal milestone to birth in our journey here on earth, is it not? We highlight death dates in obits (virtually the main public bio of one’s existence); and d. is one of the few bits of info on headstones: we don’t list our grad dates, first-job dates, marriage dates, or birthdates of our kids in either of those important declarations. I’ve never seen any contract guaranteeing: my exit date; the amount of time my parents/mates/kids get with me; or how or why I go out. You?

Life is jiggly.  Life on earth is simply a full contact, no-rules journey. Then it’s over. We have HOPE ONLY, of impactful experiences. Even if it’s as simple as a mother and baby only ever knowing each other’s heartbeat from inside the womb – THAT is as complete a journey as any – and we have no reason to expect more or judge it less.  With full knowledge of How are you living?the crapshoot nature of life, why is death so feared and so devastating to some; and so minimized as an accomplishment? The evolution of our physical bodies alone is miraculous, and worthy of conscious acknowledgement for “housing” our beloveds – and in Mom’s case, for a time, me.  Shouldn’t deaths send our thoughts instinctively to a place of fascination, dreams, inspiration and motivation, as we anticipate the wonderful space ahead of US, just waiting to be filled? Big, BIG discussion… but at the time of Mom’s stroke, in my personal journey, I was massaging my own working theory around life and death and was LOVING the insight into the beliefs and practices of others around this issue. I did in fact solidify a belief about death that was comfortable for me – but it was all still in theory, not yet in practice.

Well, in my Mom’s world, “practice made perfect” and she did not miss this opportunity – although a rather extreme one, Mom! – to offer me the benefit of experience. And I’ve got to say: both my curiosity of life and the belief system that I have tentatively adopted are paying off in spades: I am having the most enlightening, beautiful, fulfilling, calm, loving “mourning” period ever.

Huh??My Mom

Page 2: Confessing to enjoying death? What, how, why, who helped – who didn’t… and the greatest confession of all

Page: 1 2

Did you take the test to see if you are HSP: a highly sensitive person, as per the last post?  As mentioned there, people seeking my mentoring services last year had a very common thread, generally, an obliviousness to their own sensitivities: a birth-given gift and crucial tool, not simply a conditioned “asset” or “deficit”. Biological sensitivities – mostly acknowledged wrongly as being “emotional” or “too sensitive”, play a huge role in our personalities; identifying and mastering our specific biological traits – be it in times of challenge or times of growth, make life a whole lot easier.Pay Attention!!!!!

I suppose there’s a quickie test for everything nowadays and we’d drive ourselves insane trying to figure life out rather than live it; but I have to say, twenty years ago, stumbling across Mel Levine’s work on “learning patterns” (A Mind at a Time) and Elaine Aron’s HSP quiz, raised neon flashing-flags for me so crimson that I thought my eyes were bleeding! Clearly: triggers that there was something there for me to pay attention to; enough to wake me up to look at myself not through expectation or behaviour, but through what my simple biology brings to the table. It changed the whole dynamic of my life.

Awareness is my point. The more aware we are of our personal characteristics the better we can navigate.  What if the likes of judgment-inducing procrastination or lack of direction is really due to your biology? You think you’re unmotivated and lazy… when in reality, your biology fumbles with the tools that you learned should work … seem to work for everyone else. For instance, a right-brain, visual learner doesn’t benefit from sitting down and making a detailed goal list: a flow-chart or visionboard maybe… but did you ever learn to “visionboard” your goals, huh, huh – did ya?? Colour-blindness affects 8% of men and .5% of women* translating to 7% of boys and .4% of girls thinking they were idiots growing up,** not understanding that there weren’t four red crayons in the box but cerise, fuschia, brick and mulberry, as classmates were only too quick to point out. An HSP might overwhelm with noise thus retreat to healthy quiet: earning an “introvert” label or anti-social stigma. Simplistic examples with life-altering implications; each scenario above could absolutely direct or challenge a life, relationship or career choice. Leaping off of ground-breakers like Levine and Aron, neuroscience research and evidence is rapidly connecting temperament, brain function, and biology/biochemistry so closely together now that ideologies like HSP and the VALUE in identifying any and all of our personal nuances becomes the true gift.

Speaking of the value of our gifts, a thought…

Other Wise, Deep Thoughts

If HSP means that you have stronger or more intense emotions,  it goes without saying that you must have high EQ: emotional intelligence.

heart B4 head

Oh, so wrong!!! EQ is out-ranking IQ in the new thinking around life and career growth; and while there certainly can be a correlation of HSP and EQ – like say an HSP using a key trait of empathy to gain trust in anything from nannying to copy-writing, it’s not a given that HSPs can recognize and use their gift productively and/or intelligently.  Non-HSPs absolutely can be emotionally intelligent, and have no less opportunity to be so than their HSP counterparts: we can all capitalize on any natural EQ skills, and of course, EQ can be learned. HSPs have a natural edge for EQ with more access to their right-brain functions, but this can also prove to be a detriment via its potential for over-stimulation: being auto-empathic can be e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g!!  Learning one’s own HSP traits (or lack thereof)  and how to manage it makes all the difference.

OMG all these letters: intellectual alphagetti! To that end, read on for my little ditty of recognizing HSP, funneling it into productive EQ, managing overwelm ATST, so my life wouldn’t be FUBAR.  Smart?Fearless?Idiot?? And… an article giving you a clue as to how hard you might have to work to improve your emotional intelligence: highly sensitive or not, it’s yours for the taking. BYKT.
Next: EQ… or EGO?

Page: 1 2 3

Breaking up with winter.Did you manage a little break since we last visited? Hope so. Downtime is so important in our lives and a major contributor to us actually reaching our desires and goals.
I had a nice little break in December: my family celebrates Christmas and we are in between cycles of wee ones… so less Santa and more sauvignon! A few family challenges in the meantime (blogworthy), thus my late post…but I’m going to run with it anyway! 

December 22/14 was my celebratory day of this past holiday season: the magical date the winter days begin getting longer. YAHOO! Anyone else get SADS, seasonal affective disorder syndrome? Tons of folks do: as much as one in 7 of the North American population. I feel it big-time, predominantly in energy but also in mood. I can change on a dime when the sun or even a bright sky greets me in my day. I’m so glad I clued into this early in life: for me, it definitely requires managing. Sometimes diet, exercise, lightboxes, and Invincible Summercapitalizing on my high-energy peaks is enough to maintain a productive and happy winter; sometimes I might need a prescribed kick-start of happy hormones – and I am happy to share with y’all that I might use an anti-D for a while when my other options aren’t quite enough: simply because I can tell CLEARLY the difference it makes for me. I’ve dethroned any archaic and narrow-minded stigmas and taken control of my life: I’m not going to spend 4 months of my year in a sleepy fog (anymore!!). I do my best to use my body’s natural talents, but after several years of experimenting, I know now that my body can only do so much. If I lived in Yuma, AZ my body might be perfectly adequate, but let’s face it, I live in Vancouver Canada and the sun is a fairweather relative: making half-assed attempts to visit all year but dominating my deck all BBQ season! I excitedly await the butt-end of winter and increasing natural daylight to liberate my stifled soul! I do like winter hats better though.

I’ve been reading through the flood of new-year ideas that have come my way from the many different sources of self-growth, needless to say, Yogi’s have quite a different take on how to move your year and life forward than does career-focused Linkedin or brain specialist Dr. Daniel Amen. As I thought about what to write for my first blog of ’15 my head went immediately to my clients in 2014: what were the dominant themes, the common challenges?? Quite a lot, actually, spawning some previous posts re: school systems, society, and parenting! (I resolved all of that didn’t I?!) But the one ideal that cropped up most frequently was the deeply inbred sense that:Intuition is a gift

WE ARE ALL SUPPOSE
TO BE THE SAME.

WE ARE NOT!! Borrowing from Einstein’s saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”,  in the case of people: birthing genetically completely different specimens and raising them in completely different circumstances and expecting them all to be fundamentally the same… care to finish that thought? It’s INSANE!!

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

― Albert Einstein

One of the least acknowledged or respected human differences is our “sensitivity” in terms of how our own personal brain, nervous system and bio-chemistry manifest our physical/emotional responses. Most of my clients are blank when I bring awareness to their sensitivity levels… and then as the concept resonates I get great satisfaction watching the sensitive smella-ha moment building… and then the doh moment, as everything is starting to make perfect sense! (I witness this a lot as highly sensitive folk are more prone to explore consciousness and a greater meaning to their life… and seek out like-minded people!) The validation can be life-changing – but ideally, should be unnecessary. I’ve written about it before, and I will certainly write about it again!!

Next: Are you HSP? Is it a good thing, a bad thing? Take the test! (page 2)

Page: 1 2 3

KISS of Life

Survival instincts.
Seriously, how did we get so off track?
Even the birds and the bees know to KISS: keep it simple, stupid!

Origins Movie

I’m loving a webinar called Origins: Deep Dive, a follow-up interview series to the newly premiered movie Origins which essentially asks the central question, in the producer Pedram Shojai’s own words:

“What kind of stupid animal forgets how to survive
in the very environment it evolved in?”

The movie and interviews have just been offered free to the public until Nov. 27/14. The movie and interview links are below. I will have the interviews in mp3 available here in the next few days.
[HERE THEY ARE! MP3s]

Pedram ShojaiShojai, who has a Master’s in Oriental Medicine and is founder of Well.org (and quite fond of telling us to “wake up!”) promotes the movie with this trailer tag:

“Who’s Hijacking Your Health?

We humans were once pretty bad-ass organisms.
Then something significant changed.

Today we don’t move enough, we don’t know how to take care of ourselves, and we’ve become disconnected from what makes us thrive as the super-animals we once were.

We’re getting sicker, weaker and more infertile. We’re spending billions on health care to stay healthy, and it’s not working.

Find out why. And what you can do.

 Cont’d… and MOVIE/INTERVIEW links. Click page 2

Page: 1 2

Sister Act II

life plotIn my reinterpretation of Sister Act (last post), I began a tale of how nature and nurture are so intricately co-dependent that without a secure understanding that you are free to both style your own destiny and to create a supporting tribe, a life-story can transition from fairytale to horror flick with or without the assistance of scary monsters.  A life can go off the reel simply by being uninspired: no need for tragedies or down-and-out tales.

I have to admit, it was difficult writing the Sister Act post – not because of vulnerability, but because I could have written a BOOK with all that I have to say about cultural conditioning, the squelching of authenticity societally, and the impact both of these had on my own life. I’ve pared things down in these Sister Act posts and they’re really just overviews of my experiences, and because of that, they don’t go quite to the level of vulnerability that I believe is crucial to shift the fear of folks just being their unmasked selves. Really, there shouldn’t even be a need to attach a concept such as “vulnerability” when sharing life experiences: being me as me, being you as you is NORMAL. Unfortunately though, we are still buying into the crap that we should conform to a predictable sameness: a boring, colourless, inspirationless, stifling, robotic sameness rather than innate, primal, compelling, exhilarating, gratified uniqueness. Being “vulnerable” i.e. the real me with you, is one way I can personally contribute to the fabulous ripple-effect that my encouragement of you to be you will naturally bring. I commit to share as intimately as need be in future posts as I break my personal movie out into smaller soundbites.

Sister Act 2I don’t know exactly what genre Sister Act II falls into: in the 20 year span from the point where I thought I had an absolutely sure vision of where my life was going, to the point of WTF and surrendering to my spirit rather than trying to direct it, my bio-pic runs the gamut of themes: family film, chick-flick, mystery, horror… yikes, crime too; I’ve lived more than one medical drama, a war (with myself) story, definitely some comedy, and lots of educational content. While more than a few of those twenty years felt completely fictitious- often even animated (like a representation of me but not me), I think I’ll summarize this particular story arc as “action-adventure”: though oftentimes in the moment, I really didn’t appreciate the adventure. (I sure hope it is a period-piece.)

What those 20 years basically brought to light is…  that when you are not consciously living-  living with that kid-in-your-heart, live-it-out-loud authenticity, with a truly supporting tribal-cast, the universe defaults to become your primary tribesman, offering up whatever scheme it needs to get you to check in with yourself. Act One of my universal butt-kicks was during that period referred to in the last post at age 16, when, ultra-bored, I began lobbying my parents to change schools: sensing inherently that I needed a new tribe. Having elicited no concern from my parents, I abandoned any further action. SMASH!!! The universe brought me action…. in the form of a semi-serious car accident, which in complete sarcasm, could have wiped out half of my ill-fitting tribe: my then girl-posse was in the car with me… I was driving. It was a strange night: the girlfriends and I were unusually quiet, not much traffic, I turned left, we were broadsided at 50km/hr., spinning into a merciless pole.  Whew that my broken nose was the only visible casualty (besides my temporary insanity: “maybe Mom won’t notice the dent” I told my first-on-the-scene big bro!) My posse got trips to Hawaii via the insurance money; I got a decades-long limiting belief. My parents never spoke of the accident to me past that night: apparently my 4th-child, sibling-induced pattern of being so competent and not needing much direction led each of my parents to interpret my quiet calm as “handling things well”: no need to rock the boat. You okay?In reality I was in a state of shock, feeling 3-yr-old-little-girl-fear, desperately needing someone to come hold me and give me words to understand the startling randomness of life and the perceived personal failure that the accident provoked; and, just to have someplace safe to cry. Reminiscent of my actual age three when my Mom “disappeared”, and, with no conversation around it everyone just got on with things (per last post, she was in hospital for an extended period due to a car crash), this incident simply reinforced my belief that when life is confusing: you just figure things out by yourself… and get on with it.

Act Two… I continued on my conveyor-belt life: college… first job… up the ladder to second job… next rung third job. I had new players in my life but they were typecast per the uninspiring others, so trusty old universe stepped in again:

Read More: Stalkers, FBI… say whaat???  And  “Why Your Life Sucks!” (page 2)

Page: 1 2 3

Sister Act

sister nun blondeGood Golly Miss Molly… can you smell the change in the air: that summer-to-fall slight earthiness edging out the sweeter scent of summer??  My supersmell usually picks that up to the day, reinforced by a chillier now-I-need-a-sweater evening.  The air changed August 20th FYI; I mentioned it to my parents in a phone call that day and could hear the way-post-term-pregnant pause and unspoken “huh?”, followed predictably by: “oh, uh, okay… your Aunt phoned….”. A clear example of tribal lines. I asked about my Aunt: I’m long past trying to get my parents to relate to some of my traits for which they simply have no first-hand experience; and sincerely appreciate the occasions when they may explore me with me more.

Prior to my little summer hiatus, my last post entertained exactly this concept of going outside of your family-of-origin to seek your “tribe”: your support system. It provoked more than a few comments* from readers- ranging from relief to guilt, that family members may not be your best tribesmen as per the unofficial rule book of life.

You’ve asked me to elaborate on my alluded to “misfit” in my family tribe. I am more than happy to do so: I offer mentorship for the pure and simple reason that so many people have been able to learn and grow from my story and its muddy tributaries. Sure, I’ve had some “fun” and unexpected elements to my tale, however, what proves to offer the most value is my out-and-out “normalcy”. The perception that a challenging life comes with a history dominating in dysfunction still prevails: bad parents, no money, disabilities, abuse, no role models, few opportunities; or, if blessed with a few decent elements, you must be the freak, the geek, or – oh my – the one with the deviant gene. The contradiction of my having challenges in life even with a “textbook-perfect” upbringing is unsettling to people (and has made more than a few folks in my life very, very uncomfortable). Even though we clearly know as adults “well of course, nobody’s life is perfect”, people want to be able to have a place to attribute (…excuse… blame – pick a verb) their problems; and they want the reciprocal and comfortable justification that others “have it all” because of their golden roots and obvious advantages. If that were NOT the case then………omg.

privilegeWell, I had somewhat golden roots. But guess what: as even a bush-league gardener can tell you, any roots being nurtured in the wrong soil will struggle to thrive – or survive. From the stereotypical image of a family misfit, I in no way fit the mold – in fact quite the opposite.  I looked like my family and peers, had friends, good grades, was outgoing; no rebellious army fatigues or mohawks- -and never has black lipstick touched these lips! I looked normal. I was normal. My normal. Just terribly uninspired as I went through my “Stepford” bootcamp. Pre-conceived ideals suck the living souls out of us – and in my case, it took 20 years to get it back.

What I think has been most valuable to realize- and hammer into others, is that no life path follows the clear pattern of any other; and that the definition of success is yours and yours alone. While there are some societal foundations to facilitate order and cohesion, the rest of your life is a blank slate and you manage all the tools with which to write upon it… or draw upon it, or dance upon it, or turn it into a cake, a rocket ship, a sports playbook, a Tibetan prayer mat….
Blank SlateMaybe your tools are common and familiar to others; maybe they are one-of-a-kind and/or history-making. There are no shoulds: just can’s, do’s, be’s. Act from intuition, desire, joy, curiosity – not from expectation or others’ definitions of living.

Our greatest enemy is conditioning without the understanding that life is yours to change and mold as you need or want. Conditioning happens quite naturally, and for the most part with no calculated agenda; and it can form a very solid, secure jumping-off point to a healthy life. The key, however, is knowing without question that you have free will and permission – if not outright support, to realign your thoughts, beliefs, actions, environments or tribe to foster your authenticity. In my experience, this has not been a standard ideal: and it must be. Challenging the popular book, all we really need to know was not learned in kindergarten.

So… wanna hear more of my story, eh? Well, here we go with…

Sister Actsister true

What are the odds that of the 7,256,508,556 people in the world (as per to-the-second clock on worldometers; oh look, now it’s: 7,256,508,842 ! lol), that the five others in my family are going to fit the criteria for my personal acceptance/ support/ inspiration team?? Well, actually, a lot closer than the now 7,256,509,002 others, science might say – and logic too, given that my siblings and I have come from essentially the same nature/nurture pool. Not really though, and with the rapid advances in the fields of neurology and epigenetics¹, my family and I get further and further apart.

Apparently, most young adults think that they’re the “different” one in the family – the more misunderstood one: go figure!  Read More Sister Act (page 2)

Quotes to Query

See Quotes on… family!

Page: 1 2 3

Tag Cloud